Care and Feeding

I have accomplished some of my goals today -- run useful errands, buy birthday present for friend turning 40 (still a mere babe!), type of list of care and feeding instructions for my son. I also managed to insert a trip to Cafe Barrone, our swish outdoor cafe next to Keplers, our local independent book seller where I also bought a book in anticipation of our upcoming camping trip.

It always feels like a most decadent adventure to go to Barrone's for coffee, as it is located two towns south of us. If we lived in a real city though, we would think nothing of driving 20 minutes to get to a good coffee shop. If we lived in a real city, we would probably avoid Barrone like the plague, as it is very expensive and choc a bloc with networking professionals, affluent women with hairdos, and people dressed in the freaky uniform of the urban road racer biker -- do they wear Speedos to the pool for god's sake, people? -- at an age when they shouldn't. But as we live in a burbish area of bedroom communities, a touch of urban class feeds the soul from time to time.

About that list. I've been procrastinating for years on writing it. Hard denial. Wishful thinking. Strange inertia. Whatever. I know it reads like an instruction set for "How to Raise a Spoiled Brat" but believe me, if you want things to go smoothly it helps. Also, if your goal is merely to teach a 7-year old how to swim passably, build lego cars, or lead him through a day of cheap day camp, and you are not his parent or therapist. The list is especially useful for people who think their job is to teach children how to be obedient and behave normally, regardless of their job description, pay scale, or the consequences of imposing their enslavement to rigidity on other people.

Here it is:

M has some behavioural issues that make it hard for him to follow directions and control his emotions, especially when he is with other children.

Some helpful hints:

–         Use positive incentives instead of threats and negative consequences

–         Keep things light and playful

–         Give him lots of praise and encouragement

–         Don’t pressure or force him to do things he really doesn’t want to do

–         He is often very anxious about failing or making mistakes and pushing him too hard will just cause a melt down

–         Do make him eat! He may not want to eat if he is too excited, but low blood sugar makes things worse

–         Avoid being unnecessarily strict or “firm”

–         Be flexible

–         Allow him physical space – especially if he needs to blow off some steam or melt down

–         Let him move around as much as he needs to

–         Let him calm himself down before trying to talk to him about any inappropriate behaviour

–         He will often be very upset about having done something wrong which just adds to his emotional intensity